That Lovin' Feelin'

That new gear smell. There is nothing like it. The scent of unsullied knee pads is almost intoxicating. Brand. New. Knee pads. They've been just dying to cradle my knees for 3 weeks. We have been on a summer break and I haven't busted 'em out once. They're just tucked neatly into my bag, waiting patiently for Monday night. Monday night NEXT WEEK. Gah! It's like Christmas morning only I know what is under the tree. It's torture! At the same time, I don't want to go back to practice. It's nice to go to BBQs and snuggle with my kitties and sweet man on the couch. I liked making dinner and watching a marathon session of Veronica Mars (you know the MOVIE is coming out soon, right??). It's all been very nice. And then I think of those knee pads.

I am excited to go back to practice, but I am also sort of leery of it. My derby wives are basically only going to be at a handful of practices before they leave town and go to other leagues. Leagues who will love them, and train with them, and skate with them while I won't be. I know what my derby identity is, and I know that I am not defined by them, but it does make me wonder what will happen to my voice without them. Who will talk me down from the ledge when I REALLY want to be an asshole?

I don't know. I can't foresee who my derby bestie will be in the wake of their absence. I never imagined I would be married in real life, so imagining derby wives was even more unrealistic to me. Yet, here I am, and there they go. Away. From me. From FoCo. I really have had the worst year. Every time I think it's going to be OK, I turn around to some new and totally unexpected horror. Being motivated to come to practice when I know that Mome won't come and pinch my butt or Femme's little pixie face won't smile back at me will be hard but I will do it.

There are all sorts of reasons I go to derby and they're not all because I really want to go. Sometimes I go because I don't have anything better to do. Sometimes I need to get away from my life and be "Molly" for a little while. Sometimes it's because I spent so much money on gear. Sometimes it's because I don't want to let people down; like Mome and Femme, or Mr. Maguire, or my friend Rose's kid Kyle. Sometimes the thought of a being something to someone else's 6 year old kid is enough to get me off the couch. Mostly I go because it's rad and I want to, but not always. Sometimes I go because I can't wait to make those BRAND. NEW. KNEE PADS. stink like moi. Bwahahaa!

Derby is a terrible and tricky beast. It worms it's way into your heart and takes hold and won't let go. Before you know what hit you, your thinking "I know I am going to be in the Maid of Honor that weekend, but maybe I could squeeze in just a couple days at RollerCon before? NO. But maybe..." you're spending  weekends watching WFTDA.tv and talking about ECDX and all the other awesome tourneys coming up this season. You're catching up on why Oly isn't going to be in the WFTDA Playoffs this year and the impact of "Sausage Derby" strategies. Derby will go on without my wives by my side, but it won't be the same. I guess it isn't meant to always be the same, but that isn't easy to deal with. There will still be WFTDA.tv and my friend's kid Kyle. Mr. Maguire will still yell my name in turn 3 and my dad and mom will still be at all my games. And there will be new, unsullied knee pads, waiting for my knees.

Derby Love,
Mollytov Maguire

And the Mome Raths Outgrabe

Photo by Alvin Green Jr.

After a day of derby
when the salt has dried to your skin, the
stagnate stench of your derby gear
lingering on your wrists and, marinating your body.
You ache in well worked places, with a satisfied
‘this is how I do’.
Hair: long or short takes a more natural state—
product having long ago melted and peeled away from your person.
Memories of burning toe stops, the sensation of a woman’s ilium in your thigh,
of people made up of muscle, bone, flesh and plastic.
What is derby but assaulting the Senses?

Anytime I brush a strand of hair out of my eyes my wrist-guard stink inadvertently wafts across my face.  It gets me every time.  To anyone else it is surely repulsive.  But to me, derby and my own derby odor gives me a satisfaction of, well, me; someone I’ve grown to love unconditionally over this past year-and-a-half with FoCo Girls Gone Derby (FCGGD).  I know what my body used to feel like, used to look like, what I even used to smell like, and all of those definitions of “me” have transformed.

The change from a demure gal into a fearless, smelly Girl Gone Derby didn’t happen overnight and I didn’t do it alone. As some of you may or may not know, I am leaving Colorado for a master’s program in Michigan (I checked, they have roller derby there - hello Lansing Derby Vixens!) and I want to use this opportunity to thank FCGGD, and bring forward all of those skaters who have made my life and derby career start off so wonderful. 

I couldn’t ask for a better derby family.  Beginning on Tuesdays with Double D-Struction, iOna Switchblade and The Original Skankster, these ladies helped define my skating style.  They pushed me to be “less like a tree and more like a bush,” and being 5’11” off skates, this no small feat. So thanks Double D and the Tuesday ladies for teaching me the basics of how-to’s and accepting all that would become me.  Without the selflessness of these derby women who bore and raised the derby larvae that was my class and the classes to follow, our league couldn’t have grown the way it has.  We’re a badass butterfly now, and it is magnificent.

Rules and strategy came with practice, but only with the careful guidance of the Officiating crew does derby success become an obtainable goal.  Krunchy, JewJew Bee, and Bladeybug let me stand inside the track and watch the penalties accrue—thanks!  I may have been helping a non-skating official (NSO) for my league and lending an unpadded hand when short staffed at a scrimmage or bout, but I was also channeling my inner Porifera and letting it all soak up.  After a few weeks NSOing things suddenly started falling into place—the rules made sense on the track and I felt less like a baby giraffe skating through pudding and more like an actual derby girl.  Thank you to those first trainers and officials who volunteered their time to help me and the other newbies understand why derby is the way it is.

I want to thank each person that I’ve ever met during derby.  Even if it was only for a single night, every woman and man that I have met through FCGGD has had an influence on my person.  Pages could be written, naming everyone accompanied by a story how they’ve touched my life: Dead Zeppelin, Pootie Tang, Inner Demon, Sequin Destroy, KermudJen, Dyers Eve…but that is too private for all of the blog-o-sphere to see.  Instead, I will give one final “Why derby is the best thing that has happened to me” before I sign off.

I have recently gotten Derby Married - to two of my best friends.  Thrifty Femme-i-Nifty and I were in the same starting class, and we immediately got along.  We had many of the same struggles with skating initially, but over the months we were able to help one another transfigure into more confident skaters.  Enter: Mollytov Maguire.  Molly was several starting classes ahead of Femme and I, and she was a wealth of derby knowledge and camaraderie.  I’ve never met two more supportive women in my life. A few Saturdays ago after our bout we brought out the rings and made it official—the crowd applauded, tears were shed.  After sharing physical and emotional bruises both on and off the track, the three of us are now forever bonded by derby-wifedom.

Even if I don’t land a hit at practice; even if I get repeatedly blocked and can’t juke through a single jam; even if my endurance runs thin: this is me and I will strive forward.  This has become my favorite type of me.  I love every foul smelling part of who I am; because of roller derby.  Because of FoCo Girls Gone Derby.

Mome Rath

Part of your World

Hey, did you know that competitive bouting is SUPER FREAKING FUN? Yeah, well I didn't. I had never done it before. I had only played on home teams until last weekend. FoCo Girls Gone Derby invited the Naughty Pines from Laramie to come down for some daylight derby. I was being pretty flippant about the whole thing until my line took the track. It turns out that playing with other people is really intense. I guess that is what all the vets meant when they tried to prep us...

This is what my bout day schedule looked like last Saturday:

8:00am - Woke up, set up a grand buffet of fruits and veggies that I will graze on constantly throughout the day
8:15am - Showered, ate more
9:00am - Optometrist appointment: selected new reading glasses, showed no signs of glaucoma, bout-day nerves begin
10:30am- Home to continue eating, initiate anxiety apartment cleaning sequence
11:30am - Begin straightening hair, applying crazy bout day levels of make-up (while eating)
12:15pm- Realize that I will never have optimal levels of glitter on my face, hair, and eyes and that I should have left the house 5 minutes ago to be on time for set up.
12:30pm - Arrive at bout venue, Qdoba Events Center, and begin set up processes
1:00pm - Off-skates warm up: jogging, hopping, skipping, flailing of limbs, and dynamic stretching
1:15pm - Gear up and on-skates warm up
1:25pm - Meet my Respite Care buddy for intro
1:30pm - Intro time - Skated in with my buddy from Respite Care = AWESOMENESS. I teared up a little. Real talk.
1:45pm to 3:15pm- Game time!

Proof that I did something in the bout!
Whose green tights are those? That's right. MINE.
Photo By Gravee 2013

Though my Punchy Brewsters lost the bout 263-231, it was still amazing fun. The Naughty Pines have some really great players, and it was just... FUN. I mean, sure there were some times when I was really frustrated, and yes, we were down by a small margin for pretty much all of the bout  (by small margin, I mean it was neck and neck, we'd take a small lead and then give them a couple power jams and they'd be ahead by 40 points again) but it was crazy to play with people I have never met before. Women who had a completely different culture and take on the game than our team.

I think what is really sticking to my ribs about this is that I still get to have "first times" in derby. I am looking forward to my first RollerCon in 2014 (crossing fingers), my first competitive tournament, my first boutiversary (coming in September), and so much more that I can't even fathom yet. I feel like I am  somewhere between veteran and newbie in my derby career and I am really curious now about what else I don't know. I feel like my eyes have been opened to the fact that there is so much I don't know and I am reinvigorated by that. Not that I was getting big for muh britches or anything, but I was looking for something. I knew there had to be more than scrimmages and committee work, and low and behold, I have found it. I feel like Ariel in the Little Mermaid when she is in her chamber full of human things:

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

And I do. WANT MORE. Fortunately, I get to have more. I have skate tools, extra wheels, I can talk kneepads and strategy (a little bit) but I want more! I am going to my second competitive bout next month and it's a double header folks, all hands on deck! Bucket list item: travel bout, check!

Derby Love,
Mollytov Maguire

A Call to Skates

For most of you, next weekend contains no amazing, off-the-wall plans.  I know you're all sitting around with nothing to do, waiting for some event to pop up on Facebook that may peak your interest, and then not go anyway and stay at home watching reruns of Firefly.  Noble as this is (and as much as I enjoy Nathan Fillion), instead of sitting on the couch wondering if there's anything better you could be doing on a Saturday, why don't you do a little derby instead??

On June 15th, ladies are coming to Fort Collins from all across the state to participate in the 5X5 Summer Shovin' Tournament.  Teams are made up of 5 ladies, and they're battling it out to be named the best.  Here's the nail-biter: teams only have 5 jams to prove themselves worthy.  If you're down by even 1 point at the end of those 5 jams, you're toast, which means every jam is an all-out fight to the death.  If you win, you move up  to play even more intense teams.  So, a call to arms if you will.  If you think you have what it takes (and c'mon you know you do) assemble your teams and prove it on the track.  Winner takes no prisoners.

Don't have a pair of skates?  Not a problem.  If you're not a skater, watching these intense games is reason enough to come with your cowbell and boutfit.  Every jam will be like watching the last jam of a tie-breaker. Every hit will be harder.  Every jam will be faster.  Every point will bring them closer to victory.  Every second will count.  No one's pulling any punches this time.  Everybody will be putting it all on the track and leaving nothing behind, so if you go to any derby bout this year, this would be the one.

Summer Shovin' will also have a ton of vendors!  Need to buy new booty shorts?  Laces?  A hot dog?  Merch?  It'll all be there.  So instead of ordering your booty shorts online while watching Firefly, wondering in Mal and Inara will ever hook up, come join us and the Summer Shovin' Tournament, watch some great derby, and make some new friends in the process.

Sign up and learn more!  https://www.facebook.com/events/138073449710371/

Giving Back - Spending a Day with Habitat for Humanity

This past weekend our league had the pleasure of participating in a build day with Habitat for Humanity.  We worked on the landscaping for a home that is nearly complete.  We even got to meet one of the people who will eventually live in the house we were working on!

I feel as though I got to know the women I skate with so much better throughout this experience.  For example, I learned that Mary Poppin' Caps is extraordinarily pale, Dyer's Eve is new to the concept of hats :) and in the event of the zombie apocalypse I want to be on whatever team Fink is on; the girl can swing a pick-ax in a way that surely means survival for her allies.  Spending time together outside of derby really gave me a new appreciation for the ladies I sweat with every week.

One thing that really stood out to me was how much I learned the strength of my teammates; not their physical strength, I observe that often enough on the track, but the strength of their characters.  This spring has been jam-packed with bouts, tournaments, and other such derby activities, not to mention the regular practices we all attend.  To commit another full day of hard physical labor, one beginning at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday is admirable.

I am so proud to be a part of a league that is committed to giving back to the community even when it feels like there might not be much of ourselves to give.  FoCo Girls Gone Derby has made philanthropy a priority and these women enthusiastically showed up to prove it.

Dr. BadAdvice or How I Learned to Stop Eating Gluten and Love my Life

Several years ago, I joined legions of fad dieters, hippies, and conspiracy theorists by going gluten free. Yes, I did lose about 40lbs, and yes, I will be eating this way for the rest of my life, but no, I do not yet believe that gluten has been genetically modified to mollify the masses into subservience. I do it because it makes my body feel good. Digestive issues, depression, and constant pain are (mostly) a thing of the past for me and it's all because I gave up that jerk-faced little protein found in wheat, rye, barley, oats, and malt.

When I think about the things that have forever changed me, would you be surprised to know that going gluten free was one of them? Doing study abroad in Prague, Czech Republic, and joining roller derby round out the top 3 "bestest, most life-changing-est experiences EVAR" list for me. But it is the lack of gluten in my life that makes everything possible. Being that May is "Celiac Awareness Month," I thought it would nice for me to actually talk about the mysterious illness that I have alluded to plaguing my pre-derby years. So here is my gluten free story.

When I was 8 years old I experienced heartburn for the first time. I was camping with my family and couldn't fall asleep because my stomach was upset but it was too... high. It was upset in my esophagus but being 8 years old, I didn't know how to say that. Many years, and many minty Rolaids later, I discovered Priolosec and things we're looking up. Soon, I knew I couldn't even think about drinking the amounts of beer that I wanted to without them. When I told the doctor at my college health center (the provider of my student health insurance) that I had taken Prilosec every day for more than 5 years, she didn't blink and said "Well, if that is working for you, then great!" Which it was and it wasn't. It was fixing a symptom but not the problem. Also, Prilosec is only meant to be taken in 2 week increments not for 5+ years at a time.

Fast forward to my very first adult style job with real health insurance and everything. I got a real doctor and when I told her that I was taking that much Prilosec, she suggested that might be an issue. She asked me to try going gluten free. I thought "NO BEER?! What is this evil sorcery you speak of?" but I went along with it. I did it for a whole month and I didn't really notice a change. When the month was up, it was cake day at my work AND they had ordered pizza. I ate these things and smirked that the world didn't end and went happily about my day, confident that "The Great Gluten Experiment of 2010" had failed.

This might as well be a self portrait
of how I feel when I "get glutined"

About 8 hours later, I was rocking myself in the fetal position sitting on the bathroom floor with heartburn so bad I couldn't lay down. Over the next days I continued to try and prove my doctor wrong by eating a festival of gluten and the situation continued to escalate. My energy levels plummeted. My joints got all achy. The hideous smells came back. I thought that everything was in my head and I would ALWAYS feel like that. When I finally came to terms with the fact that these were the same things that my body had been dealing with for 27 years, minus the last month, I was elated. It had taken me a few days to accept that ALL OF THIS was gluten's fault. I felt so happy that life didn't have to be like that anymore. I didn't have to be "the gassy girl who made her bestie dry heave in the car" (much to everyone's relief). Once I realized that life didn't have to be like that, giving up gluten was easy.

Fast forward again to present day and I can't believe that I lived that way for as long as I did. I can't believe that when I was 14 and the doctor pulled my father aside saying that he thought I was depressed and making up illnesses (à la hypochondria) they didn't think anything else was going on. I can't believe that I missed out on so many things because I learned not to trust my body when all the medical professionals told me that I was wrong about about my symptoms. I can't believe that my life is different because of gluten. All because of a single protein that feels like a war raging in my body. The next time you meet someone who doesn't eat gluten, know that it might not be a cute diet they're doing for bikini season.

I have mourned over not eating strawberry rhubarb pie at summer BBQs and even now (3 years later) I still look wistfully at my friend's pizza slices. Sometimes, I even make people hand me their delicious gluten treats just so I can smell them. And, I am not kidding, I POKED the beautiful angel food cake we had at our family's mother's day picnic this year. However, I know everyday that it was the right choice for me. Why? Because today is another day that I get to live without pain. I don't have face the feeling of slow decay in my body; of my joints betraying me every time reach for a water glass from the top shelf, or knees wanting to give out if I walk to heavily down the stairs, or, dare I say, wildly inappropriate flatulence in social situations. That's not me anymore. Moral of the story? Trust your body. Derby reminds me every week that I know what my body can do and I make smart decisions about how to deal with it. And I lived happily ever after. Let's get on the track!

 Derby Love,
Mollytov Maguire

Mayday Mayhem!!!

The Mayday Mayhem Tournament was exactly how it sounds- utter mayhem.  Eight teams from around the country laced up their skates and made their way to Greeley, CO to battle it out on the track for the chance to win it all; glory, bragging rights, and a nice trophy.  We all faced lack of sleep, hunger, muscle fatigue, stress, and mental exhaustion, but the Foco MicroBruisers were ready to bring it, and bring it we did.

Our first bout of the tournament was against the Pueblo Derby Devil Dollz on Friday night, a hard hitting team that doesn't take no for an answer.  The girls were hungry to win and we could feel it.  Farm Fresh, a great blocker on their team, delivers heavy hits and doesn't mess around, and the rest of their is just as intimidating.  These ladies were some of the sweetest you'll ever meet, but they fought hard and really gave us a run for our money.  We kept it together, and ended up winning our first bout by over 100 points.

Next was Central Coast the very next morning.  We had played them just a few months before and had lost, so we were ready for the rematch.  Pinball, one of their lead jammers, delivered some hefty points for their team.  We had to fight to keep power jams to a minimum, and we stuck together like glue on our walls.  These ladies were confident and had a real desire for the trophy, but we managed to pull ahead and win.

This meant that we continued moving up, and we knew that it meant playing Junction City.  If you've ever seen Junction City, they have an incredible offense and some great hitters.  Killa Patra, (pretty much everyone's derby crush) is a strong and collected jammer, Vixen can block backwards like a pro, and pickle is the cutest button of a jammer you've ever seen!  That girl has mad hops.  Keeping cool on the track is pivotal when playing a great game; unfortunately we had become flustered and lost our cool.  Junction City is great at messing with your mind, and sadly it had worked on us.  We ended up losing to Junction City, but learned some great lessons in the process.  Bench attitude and togetherness is so important in keeping our game on the track.

Now it was time for a "come to Jesus meeting."  What had happened to us?  Why did we let our attitudes drop?  Why did we have so many penalties?  We all met outside and decided we needed to reset ourselves. Instead of talking about what we did wrong, we talked about what we did right.  This helped us focus on positive aspects of the last bout instead of being sucked down by the negative.

Next we were scheduled to play our third bout of the day against the Cheyenne Capidolls.  These classy ladies are super nice, but make no mistake, they were fighting to win.  They're a smart team that works hard and had drastically improved since the last time we had played.  We won 221 to 123, but the victory didn't come from points; we had fallen apart with Junction City, and had brought it back together with Cheyenne.  We got back to our game of playing it cool and listening to each other. We had kept our level heads and played a fantastic game.

Because we had lost to Junction City, we were scheduled again to play at 8:30am the next morning against Sioux City, the top team in the tournament.  So we played a bout, went to bed, woke up, then played again. Needless to say, we were utterly exhausted, but instead of hanging up the towel against a team that was obviously better than us, we came ready to rock.  We put up a great fight and although we lost, we lost by less than what Junction City lost to them by at the championship game.

The last bout for us was 2 hours later against the Pueblo Derby Devil Dollz in the battle for third place.  We started off strong but by halftime it was neck and neck- 71 to 70.  The Dollz had come for blood.  They wanted the third place trophy just as bad as we did, but by the last 15 minutes we had surged ahead.  We played smart, listened to each other, and won the 3rd place trophy.  It was a sweet victory and we all left the weekend proud of our team.  After 6 bouts in 3 days we knew that we had left stronger and closer than before.

The most important thing I learned about this weekend is managing emotions.  In a tournament or any bout situation, we all wish to play our best, which means emotions are running high.  It's so easy to get caught up in thinking "I didn't play my best," "that power-jam was my fault," or  "I gave up my point."  These failures cannot overcome us.  We need to play 2 minutes at a time.  You did great on that last jam?  Relish it, and then come back and kill it again.  You messed up and feel like you let your team down?  Let it go.  All that matters is the next 2 minutes.  Being able to compartmentalize your emotions will help you become a great derby player, and someone who will be able to calm others down.  Alright, I've taken up enough of your time!

Cheers,

The Original Skankster