What's Your Roller Derby Spirit Animal?

Ever wonder what kind of skater you are?  Do you ever feel inadequate with the skill-set you have? Wishing that you could just skate like that one girl on the team you envy? Wait, really?  WHY?! Roller derby is about a place for everyone; every body type and every skill-set. Every skater is unique and guess what? We need all of them. You might go around thinking that you're not as valuable as the other players on your team, and you would be very, very, wrong. One day you'll go up against this bad ass team of chicks and there will be one girl that no one can stop but you. You'll just get the way she skates when no one else does. So buck up little camper!  Roller derby is not a sport about feeling sorry for yourself, it's about taking control. Now I'm sure I didn't capture all the roller derby spirit animals but I assume they're a lot like Pokemon and you can just add more when you come across one.  Read on!

The Honey Badger

Cuz you don't give a shiiiiz.  Honey badger don't care.  She don't care one bit.  The honey badger is the lady who hits hard, hits fast, and manages the pack with her feisty skating.  She tornadoes around, faster and with more direction than you thought a skater could, and is the skater that makes every jammer sweat when she's on the other team.  Is she always with her wall?  Not necessarily. This one likes to go rogue and fly solo while she plays offense for her jammer and picks off the opposing players one at a time, leaving more than a few bruises in her wake.  She's mean, she's scary, and every hit feels more and more like defeat.


The Bull

This skater is the most fearless skater on the track because she knows the WFTDA rules like the back of her hand, or should I say, hoof?  So when something doesn't sit right with her she digs her heels in, takes a deep breath, and charges ahead at full speed.  Calling time-outs to challenge a call is her specialty and instead of playing reckless, she plays smart. Opposing players fear her, because they know when she challenges she has a good reason.  Her teammates go to her for advice, council, and questions, wanting to know as much about derby as she does.  If you're a bull, stay that way.  If you're not, pick up a rule book and get studying!

The Wolf

Do you ever find yourself herding all of the other skaters so that they're where they need to be?  You're always nipping at their heels by yelling, pointing, and physically moving them with your body?  You're the wolf; mother of the pack.  You know that keeping your pack together will mean life or death for the jam and you're not taking any chances.  Newer skaters look to you to tell them what to do, where to go, and how to improve.  Off the track, you're more of a mother, giving advice to inexperienced skaters and explaining that last jam to anyone with a 'deer in the headlights' look.  On the track, you're a wolf, keeping everybody in line and forcing them to improve their game.

The Emperor Penguin

A very interesting fact about the Emperor Penguin is that mates for life. It finds its "soul mate," looks all over the beach for the perfect pebble, and then presents it to its true love and they are together forever.  Awww... If you are an Emperor Penguin on the track, it simply means that you skate better with a partner in crime. You tend to use the people around to you to land your hits, booty block, and force the track cut on that pesky little jammer when your partner drags her. This girls is your derby soul mate and you know each other like the back of your skate.  There are also penguin skaters that work well with any partner, but the principle is the same, they know that 2 pairs of skates are better than 1.

The Springbok

This little skater is a jumpy, hoppy, all over the place jammer.  You get low as you approach the pack and then spring into action, flying past everyone in front of you.  If you manage to get caught, it won't be for long. You're great a juking, stepping, toe-stop work, and you leave people behind in a flash!  You know one of the most important lessons in derby, levels matter.  You've also taken a few lessons from Patches O'Hoola Han and have learned how to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge!


The Ram

You're a great jammer, but you're not a springbok.  Instead of hopping around and trying to dodge your opponents, you power through with incredible force.  Because you're solid on your skates and know people can't hit you out easily, you bide your time and just muscle your way through.  Hearing a "No Pack!" is your favorite sound, because you've managed to power push the wall to the brink.  As much as the pack tries to slow down with you forcing them forward, they simply can't.  No amount of snow plows or hockey stops can stop you from getting through, and the team depends on you to go up against those tough blockers that dominate the track.

Didn't find your spirit animal?  Not to worry, there are dozens of them, all equally important for a team to be successful.  Whatever your spirit animal is, just own it.  You don't have to skate like your derby crush, or Suzy Hotrod, Bonnie Thunders, or Jackie Daniels.  We all now that it's not about what you got, but what you make of what you got.  No one's born a great derby player, so stop comparing yourself to others, and just become the absolute best of what you are!

Cheers,

The Original Skankster

Battle-ing Jamming

If you've ever read a roller derby blog then, inevitably, you've read about the dreaded jammer panty. Also known as the plague panty. If you're unfamiliar, the jammer panty is the helmet cover that the jammer (point-scorer) wears on the track.  Think of it as a giant target plastered to your head.

The reason behind its dread? Jamming can suck. A whole lot. Even people who are really good at jamming have the fear of the jammer panty. It means up to two full minutes of being caught in the other team's sights and having the snot hip-checked out of you. It means endurance, speed, and agility. Things that don't always come naturally to - ahem - some of us.

I'm just starting my 8th (what? really? holy crap!) season of playing roller derby. I only started volunteering to jam LAST season. No one dreaded the panty more than me. When someone would ask, "Who wants to jam?" I would quickly put the pivot panty on, or sprint to the track to avoid it. I wasn't small, agile, or fast like a jammer should be. In fact, I didn't want to be.

I played derby for many seasons, content to be a blocker. I'm a bigger girl, was even bigger when I started. I could take a hit, and I could lay people flat if I was able to get the timing right. I didn't cross train, I wasn't athletic. I couldn't run, I fought constantly with my asthma. What I got out of derby was enough for me back then- a little bit of effort and the fun of skating.

Something changed a few seasons back. I decided I wanted to be healthier, and derby is a great way to achieve that. I put more into my practices, started hitting the gym. I lost some weight, and in the 2011 season, I finally earned my first MVP award in a bout. That still wasn't enough suddenly. I KNEW that I could do more- that the only thing limiting me was, in fact, me. I started the Couch to 5K program in the beginning of the 2012 season. I kept going to the gym. I kept getting in better shape. I made the active roster for the travel team. It was one of my proudest moments.

I was still afraid to jam.

My asthma was part of it; it still is. Running has helped me get a better handle of endurance, but there are times I still need my inhaler, and jamming definitely stresses the body. But I was getting sleeker, faster, and more agile. And so, halfway thought last season, I decided I would MAKE myself jam. Every scrimmage. At least once per half. It wasn't easy, but it got easier. I got lead jammer! Hey, this time I actually scored points! It wasn't scary anymore. I decided to jam in a home bout and I got lead AND scored points! Sure, next time I jammed I got shut down and the opposing team mopped the floor with me. But you know what? I went out again.

I even gave it a shot in a competitive travel bout. That...still needs some work, but it's good to have goals, right?

Derby practices used to have an underlying note of anxiety for me. When was I going to have to jam in a drill? Would they make me jam in scrimmage, even? I don't feel that anymore. I can even say I'm EXCITED to jam. I volunteer to do it, I like the feeling of getting through that pack, scoring those points, and being able to call it off.

Hey, it only took 8 seasons, right?

Mollytov 2.0

My Derby Resolutions:

1. Eat like a champ. But seriously, like a champ because I AM a champ. Or will be this season. I don't want to say that I eat like crap, but I also don't eat all the things I should. I don't drink enough water either and I will do this too. I am doing this right now in fact. I need to have more leafy greens, more vibrant reds, and less Yellow #5. This one is going to be HARD.

2. Jam. I am really gonna do that this year. I am not going to say "No" to the panty if I can breathe and stand.  In scrimmage. I can't say that I will commit to bouts. That sounds traumatic. I can say that this is MY YEAR to be awesome at derby. I know that more jamming will make me a better blocker and I will see the game that much better. I think it will (in the long run) make derby more fun for me. The dread that I feel about being asked to jam and knowing that I am going to  turn it down will be a thing of the past! Instead, a fresh new kind of hell will take it's place. That hell is jamming. Some things are worth the struggle. Hopefully, it won't always be my own personal derby hell.

3. Go to the gym. I will commit to going to the gym. I am going to include more yoga in this because when you do high impact all the time, it's hard. I need me some quiet, stretchy-breathing time. Time that I don't think about lists and committee work, and doing the dishes because that is a problem for me. But really, if I am going to be honest with myself, I need to work on having faster feet, not breathing. OK, both at the same time and I am going to do that on a treadmill and with some free weights. Peer pressure might also work, keep me honest people.

4. I will strive for better work vs. life vs. derby balance. I need to leave certain things on the track and keep my drama to myself. No excuses. No punishments. Just better compartmentalization. I will also not obsessive watch my blog stats, Facebook stats, website stats, or any others that aren't relevant at that time. No screens allowed on date night. That is going to be a hard habit to break, but a very worthy one.

5. My final resolution is to be as nice to myself as I am my friends. If they screw something up, I don't punish them. I talk them down from the ledge. I give them room to learn from their mistakes and I don't sit in the bottom of the shower crying about them at one in the morning. This is something I am going to give myself this year.

Welcome to 2014 everyone.

Derby love,

Mollytov Maguire

Last Year's Bucket List and MORE...

Alright ladies, exactly one year ago I wrote a New Year's Resolution blog post about what my plans were for the year to make my roller derby experience as awesome as possible.  Now I'm here a year later, shame-stick in hand, looking back to see whether I accomplished the goals I set for myself.  Did I make it? Did I become the most wonderful, productive derby girl of all time?  Read on and find out!

1.Learn the Rules.
Hmmmm. Rules rules rules.  My most favorite thing about roller derby...NOT.  I know, I know, the WFTDA rule book is not as exciting to read as Fifty Shades of Grey, but it's well worth the effort. It's also a bit tricky, because a new rule-set comes out every year, but I have to say that I dusted off the ol' rule book this year and hit the books hard. I gotta tell you, I learned a lot!  In fact, it saved me a few trips to the penalty box, so if you're looking to reduce your time off the track, the rule book is the place to start.

2.Make it to RollerCon.
Mission accomplished!  In fact, I was the only girl from our league there.  It made me a little sad, because I didn't know a whole lot of people, but I have no regrets about going.  RollerCon is definitely the place to go if you need a new spring in your step- er- I mean skate.  With a ton of classes taught by the best roller derby players in the world, they're tailor-made for each skill you're trying to pull off next.  With scrimmages, merch, bouts, and parties, RollerCon is the Mecca for any roller girl.  While I was there, the Ark Valley Rollergirls, a league not far from my town took me under their wing and pretty much adopted me for the week.  It was so amazing to hang out with these ladies; they were kind, fun, and I had a blast with them.  With all of the relationships I cultivated, things I learned, and experiences I had, I'll definitely be making the trip again this year!

3.Win One MVP Trophy at a WFTDA sanctioned bout.
Promises, promises.  Unfortunately I only managed to accomplish this one 50% of the way through.  I won an MVP trophy for a home bout (which I kicked BUTT in BTW) but my goal was to win one during a travel team bout.  I wanted the ladies of the other team, who had never seen us in action, to see me as a valuable asset to my team. Call this a selfish goal if you will, I understand, but can you blame me for wanting to ROCK THE BOUT??!  So this goal will be rolling over to this year, and somehow, someway, I will accomplish it!  That being said, doing what's best for the team is more important than making yourself look good, so be a team player and rock the bout!

4.Jump the Apex.
I totally jumped the apex, once. ONCE.  But I did it! So it's practice, practice, practice until I do it again. And again. One day it will be rainbows and cupcakes over that apex jump, so I'll just keep on truckin' until it happens.

5.Be Awesome.
Hmmm...can I truly answer this one objectively? Last year I vowed to stop complaining, work out, eat right, and leave it all on the track.  Did I do that? Did I accomplish my goal of being awesome?  Heck yes I did!  I focused a lot on my nutrition this year and making sure I worked out a few days every single week other than derby.  I also stopped playing it safe and tried hard to push myself during practice.  This is probably the most important thing you can do to better yourself. Set goals, set timelines, and then push push push!

So in the spirit of the new year, follow my lead (which is excellent) and set your own Roller Derby New Year's Resolutions!

Cheers to a great new year,

The Original Skankster

A Few Bumps in the Road - But We're All Together

Oh, Ogden, UT.  How I always miss visiting you.  NOT!  The bars close at 1am.  The mountains are on the wrong side.  Not to mention the breathtakingly beautiful scenic drive through the middle of Wyoming is anything but breathtaking or beautiful.  Even so, every year we make the pilgrimage to the great state of Utah to play the Junction City Roller Girls.  It's a great chance to spend time with our teammates and have fun on the last travel bout of the season, and the Junction City Roller Girls are a formidable opponent.  I won't go through the gory details of the trip, but I will share a few good morsels with you.

On the Road Again
The trip there is always full of new things. Everyone's amped about the trip, the energy is high, and without fail we learn so many little tidbits about each other.  It's really nice to learn more about the ladies that you're skating with. Did you know that Double D-struction is planning on roasting an entire pig for her birthday?  Or that CeCE She-bash'ya wants to raise her own chickens?  Or that Pootie Tang loves to implement graffiti in her graphic design?  I didn't, but what else are you going to talk about on your way through a high-altitude desert covert in a thick layer of dirt (no offense, Wyoming, but let's face it.  You're a very dirty state).  Despite the lack of visual stimulation there are at least some cool things about Wyoming.  Such as:

1. Gas stations so big you could survive there for years during the zombie apocalypse.
2. Cool rock formations.
3. It's fine cuisine.

We are a Family
When we're on a trip we do everything together - eat, sleep, drive. laugh, and play derby- really everything.  We basically just swarm around town in a huge dust cloud causing destructions wherever we go, and since we're wearing our derby swag people tend to take notice.  "Oh, did you see those girls this morning?  They were all wearing black jackets and singing show tunes."
Why yes!  That's us!  Booty blocking in public! And during this special trip, 98 Pounds of Steel made the devastating mistake (although I supported it) of getting Ms. Eerie Bizness a toy microphone that echoes her voice.  Disney classics rained down from the sky!  Katy Perry songs melted our minds!  And she sang, at the top of her lungs, at every restaurant, with absolutely no shame.  I will not be able to rip the memory of the Hercules opening song out of my mind for as long as I live.

Bouting is Hard
We took the journey to Ogden, UT to play the Junction City Roller Girls; a tough team that hits hard and plays a great game.  Although we held out own for a while, ultimately the Junction City Roller Girls figured out how to bust through our walls and we lost the bout.  Feeling dejected, I thought about all of the things I needed to work on.  You need to skate faster, Skank!  Get lower! Get on your toe-stops more!  Stop the jammer, don't just slow her down!  I was beating myself up about how I should have played a better game for my teammates, when something clicked in my head.  Instead of thinking about what I did wrong, I started thinking about how proud I was of so many of my teammates.  Pootie Tang was an excellent jammer who was tired and out of breath, but she showed courage by continuing to jam her heart out.  98 Pounds of Steel was the only one who didn't go to the penalty box.  Agent Cox Moulder played for almost the entire bout- not resting in between jams but staying and playing while the rest of us were tired.  Princess of Wails landed some great hits that sent people flying!  Ms. Eerie Bizness was the hoppiest jammer with the fanciest footwork, and every one of my teammates showed class and poise in a tough situation.  I had so many reasons to be proud of my teammates that day, and that's why I love traveling with my team.  Win or lose - we leave it all on the track.

Cheers,

The Original Skankster

Show me that Smile Again

My body hurts all the time. Just a little bit, but it's seriously ALL THE TIME. My hips are tight and my knee is stiff. My ankle pops and my lower back aches. It's getting close to the end of the season and I am burnt out. Practice nights mean that I am not getting to bed before midnight and it feels like there is no end in sight. There is a derby event seemingly every weekend. Public appearances, bouts, meetings, and more meetings. I have league meetings and board meetings, there are committee meetings and special Sunday coffee meetings to talk about that special bout we're thinking about. I am there early and I stay late. This is my derby life.

It didn't start out this way. I thought it would get me out of the house, get me active, and help me meet people. Which, well, mission accomplished. I joined the league and had 50 new close friends. I don't know when things changed, but they have. Somewhere along the line, I became totally infatuated with derby. The more I learned about it, the more ingrained in the culture I became. I talked about the merits of different wheels and pads, which bearings to buy, and different styles and brands of boots. I have talked about strategy; from eating the baby to passive offense. I have watched hours of playoffs and have yelled at the T.V. to "Back bridge!!" and let the defense know there is a "Jammer standing!!" more times than I can count.

No, this is not an announcement of retirement, but I can say, that like with any relationship, the new-ness has worn off and I am left with the reality of derby. A reality that is always challenging. Our "season"  is pretty much year round. While other sports play from September to January, we practice for 10 1/2 months together. Taking December off and a a few weeks in the summer. It's a marathon, not a sprint. I practice with my team a minimum of 6 hours a week and am expected (but have trouble with) training on my own outside of practice, to eat right, to be at my peak of performance for MORE THAN 1O MONTHS OF THE YEAR. I do not get paid for this, rather, I pay to do it. I give my time, my money, my body, and my heart to this sport and my league.

I live and breathe FoCo. I had a dream the other night about having paid positions in my league one day. An actual dream. Not like, "I have a dream" but I was laying in bed, my eyes were closed, by subconscious was running the movie behind my eyelids and I dreamt about my hopes for the league someday and I dreamt that I was a part of them still. Dedication, no? That same night, another league member had a dream that I could jump the apex and we were all on ESPN.

I wonder how far we are from those derby dreams. No, no. I don't mean me jumping the apex. (I am not going to use the word "impossible" for that, because you never know.... but it's awesome knowing that someone has that much faith in me!) I mean from being a major sport in the world. What will that look like? What do we need to sacrifice in order to mainstream? Are the 2020 Olympics something that we want to pursue? Are the small people like me going to be left behind? I love the fact that I, personally, have had a hand in building this league. I love that so many others do too. It was here long before me, and god willing, will be long after me. I love that part of WFTDA's member league requirements are that all leagues are at least 80% operated by skaters. What does that look like as the outside world comes in? What does it look like as we let them in?

As the sport grows, as our athleticism increases, as we surrender to the mainstream more and more, I remember the things that attracted me to it. Beautiful women of all shapes, sizes, and ages wearing fishnets and sparkle booty shorts with PRIDE, having ridiculous names like "Suzy MuffinCrusher" and "iOna Switchblade", and being an unabashadly powerful force of womanhood. The epitome of confidence. That is what they are to me still. That is what I am to me now. If I lay down my derby name and short-shorts at the altar of my future (as yet non-existent) daughter's Olympic dreams, what am I telling her about the sport I helped to shape and build?

I came to derby because it was offbeat, because it was non-tradtitional. If we lose the things that make us non-tradtional in order to get to what someone else thinks is "the next level" are we willing to also lose the good things they bring us? If the culture of derby was like  soccer, volleyball, or basketball I can't say that I would still be here now, nor might I have signed up those 2 years ago. Here's to the last year FoCo Girls Gone Derby, and the next. I love you all.

Derby Love,

Mollytov Maguire

Final thought: with derby being featured in the 2018 Gay Games and own known commitment to LBGTQ rights and equality, how could we knowingly send our athletes to places like Russia for the Olympics? Discuss.

From Left Turns to T-Bones, It's Progress

Terrible derp face on my part.
Awesome shot from Pixel This Photography

Something seems to have clicked. Finally. I was coming to peace with the fact that I might always play derby badly. That I may never "get" it and that the fun of being out there with my friends might have to be enough. And then the planets aligned and I made it to another level. I am not going to say that I am anywhere near a level that could be considered competitive but I am saying that this is the best I have ever played. I had 3 weeks of scrimmages in which I didn't cry ONCE and more importantly, I didn't want to cry either. It was just fun. It felt like home. Like I belonged on the track with my team.

I had lines that I played with consistently and I understood most of my role out there with them. I felt how they were playing and positioned myself accordingly. And then there was the bout. The Punchy Brewsters are FoCo's traveling "B" team. We don't play sanctioned bouts, but we play with HEART man! There were two such bouts in as many weeks for us and I was disappointed in my performance in it. I had been doing actual derby things in the scrimmages leading up, my on-track-confidence was at an all time high, and I thought I was ready. Instead, I as a person making left turns amid a derby bout (or so I felt) and that was sucky.

Pixel This Photography

I prayed to the derby gods that the bout the following weekend would be different. That I would hit other people and I would work hard to stay with my line and get to the front when it was time. I SWORE those were things I could do, but doubt started working its way in. I started to wonder if I could only play well (or what felt like it to me) at scrimmage? Were the only people who would ever know that I sometimes hit people the ones who skated/reffed/NSO'ed on Thursday nights?

I can remember other people starting to get good, DAMN GOOD, at derby. Starrmageddeon for example. I can remember our first scrimmage after our winter break last year when she went to hit me and there was some serious MEAT on that hit. I just looked at her and thought "Oh god. I am pretty sure I am the worst player in this league." and the same thing when C.C. ShebashYa jammed right past me later in practice. I wondered how I became worse at derby over the break and they got better. I was, again, not trying to judge myself too harshly about my skills or abilities, really trying to not punish myself for the lack thereof.

Aw yeah! I'm BOOTY BLOCKING in this shot.
Not just turning left.
Precision 10 Images

With these feelings building over the year (a year that will go down in the history books are the worst ever) it was getting harder and harder to be motivated to come to practice. And then it began. The climb to greatness. Or in my case, no being the worst skater on the track at all times-ness. It just clicked. I have heard a thousand times that with doing things you're dedicated to there is sometimes a plateau point. A point at which your skills don't seem to be improving or growing. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, they explode. This is what happened for me.

I am so glad I stuck it out through those doldrums. I think that I had to learn to love derby even if I was never going to be any good at all in order to start the great skill ascent again. I am pretty sure this is for life now. I said a while back that I felt like a derby poser before I bouted and now I realize that I *maybe* never stopped feeling that way. Until now. I really REALLY feel like I am part of the team. Not just a body on the track that makes left turns. It feels damn good people!

Derby love,

Mollytov Maguire