Keep Calm and Continue Skating

I hope that in a few months I can look back on my first scrimmage practice with the light-hearted reminiscence of a veteran. I will sit back with my team mates and begin stories with "Remember when..?". That will be nice. But right now I am hitting a panic button about it. I have been saying for weeks that I feel ready to scrimmage but now that it is time, now that other people think I am ready, I am really questioning it. Can I seriously do this? How ON EARTH am I going to absorb a hit from iOna Switchblade later tonight?

I have been working toward this for so long and now that I am staring it in the face, mere hours from the first time I hit the track to scrimmage, I am in a frenzy. Something I have been reminding myself of since the warm-fuzzy feelings of success, of progress, were so rudely replaced with self doubt this morning is that my trainers have done this before. They have done this with many dozens of ladies before me. They can see my skills in a big picture view that is currently eclipsed to me. Without further adieu, here is today's mantra: "Breathe Molly. Trust your trainers and trust your feet. They know what to do."

My feet aren't hard to convince. I can do crossovers and transitions, toe stop turn-arounds and weave throughs. But it's the mind I am worried about tonight. Can my eyes see the game? Can they find the Jammer in time? I know that is something I am only going to get better on, but that doesn't help me right now! Can I please just borrow from a skater who doesn't need to think about it for a few hours tonight? Slim Skatey, I beg you, please just loan me some of your speed! Krunchy, you're the head ref for FoCo, I need to know what you do about the rules ASAP!

Today, I am asking the arrogant jerk alter ego of mine named Mollytov Maguire why on earth she thought she could play roller derby. The answer she keeps giving me is "Because it's fun. Stop being a party pooper and live in the moment!" And you know what? She is right. This is going to be AWESOME and even if (when?) I suck a whole bunch tonight, at least I only have to have a first scrimmage this one time. After that, it's old news. But right now, it feels like the first day of school only I don't have my mom to dress me a make a lunch. I know I have been chosen for a reason and I am never going to grow into a more rewarding role if I don't do this. But growing sucks. What was it that I said about it being "about the journey, not the destination" or some hippie nonsense like that recently? Don't remind me. My better judgement isn't talking to me today.

THIS guy would tell me "It's about the journey, man!"

Derby love,
Mollytov Maguire