Jammin' Like Never Before

I have set a new goal for myself: jam. Having played in two bouts far and jammed in neither of them, I am starting to see the appeal. It looks like so much fun, graceful, creative, dynamic! I see the appeal, but I don't feel it. Right now, every time I jam I want to have a nervous breakdown. I want to throw up in the trash can. My legs get shaky and I skate like a little foal taking her first steps (on roller skates). I fell in turn three on nothing. No one near me, no one hit me, I was even lead jammer, but I skate-locked MYSELF trying to do crossovers. Jamming is the bane of my derby existence right now.

Two times a week I gather my gear, put on my booty shorts, and try and talk myself into loving jamming. I sit in my car, screaming out rap music to make myself feel like a bad ass that can jam like nobody's business. I imagine that I am happy to do it and that I am a fleet footed roller derby machine. Sometimes, this gets me through the practice. I just don't know how to make the switch between pretending to love jamming and actually loving jamming. What if I never do? What if every time I take the track I feel this way?

What if I always have to see that look of disappointment in my teammates eyes when I pass on the jammer panty jam after jam? I understand that this is a team sport, and they can make all the arguments in the world to me about how "it will make me a better blocker" and "we all have to do it" but at this point, I don't care. I have asked myself why I feel this way about it. I wonder if I am just not an attention seeking person, I don't want all eyes on me. But I am not sure how true that can be if I write a blog for all to see. I must admit that I think it's because I am afraid to suck.

Suga Smaxxx - My beautiful derby sister,
jamming like a pro!
It's good to have support like this.

I mentioned in a previous blog that if I wasn't naturally good at something, I have just quit. My teammates (god bless them) won't let me quit jamming. That isn't an option. And the result is that I have to really bad at this for (what feels like) an interminable amount of time. Right now, it looks like forever. While I am really excited for the Salt and Pepper bout this weekend I am borderline filled with dread about it also. Sitting in my kitchen, writing this post, my stomach has turned uneasy just from thinking about it. I wonder what my friends and family will think when I never make it out of the pack? What if I don't even make my initial pass and the other jammer gets my point over and over for two solid minutes because she knows I am not on a scoring pass and she can just keep going. What if I take a major penalty and have to sit in the box totally helpless to what is happening, just watching??

I have said it before and I will say it again for anyone who missed it. Roller derby is hard. It is physically taxing, emotionally draining, it takes up my time, my money, and my energy. But it has also given me so much. Because of derby I am happier, more confident, and self-assured. Because of derby I have a community, a hobby, and stronger sense of identity. So I guess I can sacrifice my pride, jam like the wind, and give my teammates two minutes of madness in another position.

Derby Love,
Mollytov Maguire

Have Skates, Will Travel

"You guys here for derby?" he asked.

"That's us."

"C'mon in.  You guys are in here."

He rolled up a large industrial door and pointed to the back of the building.  All we saw was the beautiful track.  

The Wasatch County Roller Girls are located in a large industrial area of Salt Lake City.  Train tracks ran right behind it ironically enough, and the minor league baseball stadium is only a few blocks away.  This area housed huge blocks of shipping companies, packaging companies, and factories that supply parts to the far corners of the world, and the Wasatch County Roller Girls play right in the middle of it.  They lease out a large empty building with a concrete floor and some bathrooms to play this great sport, and to them it's home.

















We drove there earlier that morning thinking it would be a nice, quiet, Sunday morning scrimmage.  We had played a bout the night before that was both incredibly exciting and physically demanding.  The after-party had gone much later than any of us were expecting, and we all found ourselves running off of little sleep and already dreading our 8 hour drive home later that day.  A quiet, fun scrimmage was what all of us were looking for.

Of course, in true derby fashion, you never really get what you expect.  We all thought the aspect of Sunday morning would keep most fans away, and we would be playing against a team with some NSO's and a handful of  fans to watch us. 

Boy, were we wrong.

Despite the early Sunday morning aspect, and that the building was located far from anyone's home, as we poked our heads out of our dressing room we were shocked to find ourselves a midst over a hundred fans and a man dressed up like Sasquatch (well, in all honesty he could have been a real Sasquatch, I mean who's to say he wasn't?)  They had all scraped themselves out of bed to join us in our love of derby, and to cheer their favorite team in the whole world to a victory. 

The bout was deafening.  We constantly heard the Sasquatch-man leading cheers for Wasatch county and found ourselves having to scream at each other in order to hear anything.  Fans brought cowbells, noisemakers, and used their voices, hands, and feet to show us what kind of fans we were dealing with.  Out of all the teams we've played, these fans showed the most dedication and pizazz.

It was neck and neck for almost the entire bout, but eventually one team had to win, and it wasn't us.  Although we lost, I wasn't disappointed about the way we played.  We killed it, and it was one of the funnest bouts I've ever had the pleasure to participate in.  The truth is, anyone who plays derby understands that the passion for this sport is so much more than anyone could anticipate.  It takes over our brains, our free time, our wallets, and our hearts.  We've been blessed to play in a great space, but if we didn't have it we would still play.  We would play in an alleyway, a parking lot, an airport hanger, an empty space that during the day is used to package dog food, or a cement slab in the middle of nowhere.  We would play rain or shine, sleet or snow, and we would smile while doing it.  We would also get up at the crack of dawn to watch derby and cheer on our sisters.  I've never seen anyone more dedicated to a sport than a  roller derby girl.  I've never seen anyone so passionate and willing to learn that a derby girl.  I've never seen anyone hustle to sell tickets and merch like a derby girl.  

Some people watch roller derby and think, "oh that's a neat sport." I watch it and think, "I want to have that confidence in myself."  It really is a lifestyle, and it's the best one I've ever had to pleasure to experience.

-The Original Skankster

Safety For Sarah - End Domestic Violence

A derby sister has been living a real life nightmare this October. We were all rocked by the news that a fellow skater was shot in the head by her fiancee. I personally have never spoken to her, never met her, but my heart bleeds for her. JC Savior is a talented skater that has played roller derby with both the FoCo Girls Gone Derby and the Choice City Rebels. I can't say I was there for her before this happened, but I can commit to doing everything possible for her now.

One thing I will do is skate in her benefit bout Nov. 3, 7 pm at the Qdoba Event Center. All proceeds will benefit JC Savior/Sarah Harris. She will need a lot of things to recover and the strength and love provided by this community will go a long way. She will need our support emotionally and financially. Domestic violence is a crime that cannot be tolerated and we must stand together on this. Derby folk, non-derby folk, men, women, parents, and children can be victims of these crimes and everyone's safety is effected.

I have a non-derby friend who went through a situation a few years ago and I can still remember the fear. I remember being fearful for her well-being, for mine, and for her family's. The abuse built over time, escalating in severity. It happened over the course of years and started small. Making comments about her intelligence, her decision making capabilities, and the way she dressed. She was torn down by this person over and over and the woman that I had come to know was being re-built in the image of a person who wanted her to feel small and empty.

When things did end it took a long time for her to rediscover herself. She needed time to find out what SHE wanted and what SHE liked. The choices SHE would make when left to her own devices. It was simple things like the kind of music she will listen to alone. The kind of food she will buy at the grocery store. The movies that she likes to watch. When you spend your time living for someone else, sacrificing to make them happy, trying desperately to be the peacemaker, it uses a lot of energy and there might not be a lot left for taking care of yourself. Abuse isn't just physical, its emotional. Its a darkness that creeps into your head and heart and paralyzes you into thinking that every day that the abuse doesn't happen is a gift, but it isn't. It shouldn't happen any day. Not today, not tomorrow, not a year down the road.

Thinking of you Sarah! Every place we go
FoCo Micro Bruisers - 10/27/12

There are resources available to victims and their families here in Fort Collins and on the Front Range. Alternatives to Violence and Crossroads Safehouse can provide assistance with escaping an abusive situation and tools to help identify domestic violence and the different forms that abuse can take.

Learn more about what you can do to help identify and offer support to victims of domestic violence in your community. If you or a friend is in need of help call: 1.800.799.SAFE for access to help and resources.

For information on how you can help Sarah, see the Derby Sister Support, SafetyforSarah, or send cards, gifts, and other things to:

Sarah Harris
c/o VaVoom Aesthetics
2216 Hoffman Dr
Loveland, CO 80538

FoCo Girls Gone Undead

Saturday night, October 21, 2012 will go down in history as being one of the BEST.NIGHTS.EVER. It was one of  those magical nights were you laugh easily and naturally with everyone you see. Where the waitstaff can do no wrong (I actually said "I zombie promise you" to a server at Coopersmith's. Why this was accepted, I have no idea). Where the right music is being played on the jukebox and you always know all the words.

What precipitated this auspicious evening you ask? One of my favorite annual events on the Front Range, Old Town Zombie Fest. It raises money and awareness for Turning Point, an organization that is "dedicated to improving the lives of youth and their families" through a variety of programs and services. Each year, people put on their finest zombie attire and splatter fake blood artistically over anything that will stand still in order to stumble, drag, and pull their way all over Old Town Fort Collins for drink specials and goodies. This year was extra special for me because FoCo Girls Gone Derby was invited to lead the zombie parade. Yes. You read that right. LEAD THE ZOMBIE PARADE!

(from left to right)
Mollytov Maguire, Inner Demon,
KermudJen, Battle E. Portman

FoCo's skaters and refs came downtown on skates ready to rock some Thriller. Suzy Muffincrusher choreographed something beautiful for us, slightly modified because not all the moves translate well to roller skates. I learned that I want to be behind Battle E. Portman for choreographed dance numbers forthwith because she is awesome at remembering the steps. I guess her she chose her name-sake and Black and Blue Ball's Black Swan homage really well because that girl can DANCE. So we lead the parade of zombies through Old Town to Thriller and then played among the restless undead for the remaining portion of the evening.

I started off the wearing the FoCo teal and black. Torn, dirty, and dripping with blood, I donned my gear and skates in the square. We were a legion of zombies on a mission. Suzy and Battle E. were our Generals and I like to believe we "turned" a few people to our side. After the parade, I changed out of my roller skates in to the candy pink dress that I have worn for 3 years now and, like me, its just getting better with age. With this dress I wear knee high grey boots that get a fresh dousing in fake blood before I stomp all over town in them. I believe that this ritual means my things look more "authentic" and it makes two, count 'em TWO, zombie costumes alone this year. What an epic win. I love dressing up. For any reason.

Undead Roller Girls. Thanks Resident Rockstar Photography!!

Mr. Maguire and I were a testament to zombie love that night; he was the zombie hunter, I was the zombie. Predator and prey. We looked pretty sick. The part that made the evening so special for me was the bridging of my separate lives. The Lory/Molly line was totally blurred. I hung out with derby girls AND non-derby people all night. And who knew that the 2 groups would be so rad together, it was like peanut butter and jelly. Like Kid and Play. Like Bettie Page and bangs. 

Boyfriend + Friends + Derby = Happiness.

Derby Love,

Mollytov Maguire

Bouting is the BEST

Bouting is seriously the most fun you can have on 8 wheels. There is nothing that I can say that will capture what its like out there. Playing with a team that supports you, friends and family in the crowd cheering your name, seeing the jammer stuck in the wall YOU helped make. All are things that I can't find words to describe  My first bout was totally worth a whole year of my life.

Admittedly, I don't remember much because it was pretty crazy out there. I remember hearing shouts of "Molltyov" and "GOOOOOO 42!" because Mr. Maguire was nice and loud. I have flashes of the moments after the jammers were released watching them come at me and my line. I was shoved, pulled, hit, bruised, battered, knocked around, and otherwise jostled around for 60 minutes of play and it was everything I ever hoped it could be.

There is one moment that will stick out in my mind probably forever. I recall it very clearly and in slow motion. I was headed into corner 2 with my pack. I was a little behind the rest and I saw L.A.'s Finest out of the corner of my eye. I sat a little lower ready for the hit I KNEW was coming my way. L.A. did not disappoint. She laid me OUT. I went down. First to my knee, the to my hip, then I rolled into some fans. I looked up at them from the floor, laying in a "dead bug" position and they said "Well, hello" with a smile on their face. I loved being that person for them. I darn near took out some spectators and they were excited to see me! I got up from the floor as quickly as I could and met up with the pack in turn 3. I have no idea if points were scored, who the jammers were, or really anything but this beautiful moment I had with L.A.'s Finest and 3 FoCo Fans.

I am in love with roller derby. I went to the after party and couldn't stop grinning like a fool. I literally fell head over heels for it in that moment. In that hit. The bruise I have from it will fade but not my admiration for this brutal, physical, smart game. I am glad to have the sort of people who made their own shirts with my name in glitter paint and wear them out in public for me. Additionally, I won "Best Dress" and I wore my sash all night at the after party. I considered wearing it to work but that might have been overkill.

And the icing on the cake? My team won. It was a close game all the way through, but the ladies in black pulled out a win.

Derby Love,
Mollytov Maguire

Bout:30 - Getting my Game Face On

My significant other should probably get a medal for all the things I make him do for derby. Not only does it take up roughly 2-4 nights a week in addition to my non-derby social commitments, but I watch it on the internet, talk about it constantly, and spend bunches of money on it. He has changed my wheels and bushings, helped me clean my bearings, adjusted toe stops, and been on the receiving end of more derby fashion shows than anyone should be subjected to. I am remembering flashes of "Do these booty shorts look better with the skull fishnets and the moustache socks or the striped socks? Or maybe the skull socks... that might be too much skull and crossbones though... hmmm." Seriously. That isn't an inner monologue. That is a quote. I think the best thing he's done for me is completely re-schedule our vacation plans to fit around the Black and Blue Ball. When I came home in a panic because I might not have been able to play and talked AT him for a solid 30 minutes, he just said "Well, I guess I will see what I need to do to get the dates changed." and then did it. Just so I could skate.

This is the "lucky" fella.
Mr. Maguire - Zombie Hunter for Hire

Needless to say, he's pretty excited for my OFFICIAL debut in this Saturday's bout, the Black and Blue Ball. I can't believe its finally here. After a year of practices, bruises, sore muscles, late nights, anxiety, friendship, camaraderie, and most of all personal growth, I am finally going to put on the pads of a seasoned warrior. I will strap 8 wheels to my feet and try to keep my effing point as the jammer flies at me. No longer am I a derby poser. When I say "I play roller derby" I get to really mean it. No longer is it "I'm going to play roller derby" or "I am not on a team yet" its "I'M DOIN' THIS THANG!" and then really doing it. Dream come true? Abso-freaking-lutely. Don't ask me on Saturday though. At least not before the deed is done.

My captain, KermudJen, and a few team-mates took me shopping for my very first "boutfit" (don't worry, Mr. Maguire has had multiple fashion shows for this auspicious event alone). I booty-blocked in the ARC Thriftstore to see if the dress I tried on could make the cut. This trip taught me that I look AWESOME in a 1980's shoulder-padded hammer pant-suit onesie. Oh, and it was formal wear. Yup. That happened last weekend and Double Destruction has the cell phone picture to prove it. This shopping extravaganza was a much needed follow up to a practice that left me asking "What the heck was I thinking?! Pfft. I QUIT roller derby!"

Yup, I am a warrior. Like Xena
on skates.

Obviously, I am not quitting, cuz this derby business is RAD! It was only a moment of temporary insanity. This week's mantra is "Derby is hard. I can do this. I WILL do this. I am a warrior." It's hard to imagine a cooler pack of humans to be in a foxhole with than the ones I've got. This is a team sport and I definitely have felt the love this week on and off the track. I want to give a huge thank you to my boyfriend, friends, family, fans, and team-mates who have pushed me this far. I wouldn't be here without all of you. My game face just wouldn't be as fierce without the help of my people. Community baby, that's what its all about.

Derby Love,
Mollytov Maguire

Moving My Show off the Track

A few weeks ago I was able to test my derby skills off the track by going to a metal show with my significant other. For those of you who have never been to one of these shows, a rule of thumb might be: the mosh pit is violent. This is a place that I will avoid at all costs. If its closer to the bathroom than I would like, I hold it. If it lurches toward the bar, I guess I wasn't that thirsty... Anyway, the metal fans were not unlike roller derby fans and could be considered a little "off" by some conventional standards; they dress differently, have their own cliques but really they're like us, passionate about what they love. They just love it SO HARD you would not believe it!

The first whistle blows.

So there we were, three bands deep, at Summit Music Hall in Denver. The head-liner comes out on stage and they're the boyfriend's FAVORITE BAND of all time so he is really stoked. I am feeling a little leery of this crowd though. Fights have been breaking out all night and they're coming with greater frequency as the evening progresses. We have been to metal shows together in the past and there wasn't an issue but he's also never wanted to brave the pit either. You know, we're both getting old (and lame) and there isn't a "code of conduct" so there is a significantly more real possibility of getting hurt. They don't wear pads and helmets and there are no refs to tell them what was an illegal move. That is what makes me nervous.


The  second whistle releases the Jammer.

We've posted up right in front of a column somewhere behind the pit and were enjoying the show when all of the sudden, the edges of the pit lurch toward us. I back against the column and the borders swell and re-absorb the culprits as the show rages on. About a minute later, it happens again. Then again, as though the human tide was rolling in.

The pack is on the chase.

All the while, security comes rushing past us to plant themselves in crowd, hopefully to calm the restless fans, but to no avail. This is getting more and more disorderly and with the fear rising so does the excitement. Suddenly, a bloody faced man came tearing out of the pit, with security guards hanging on both arms like he's the hulk or something. The blood was literally dripping off his face like sweat. This metal version of the Hulk spun to try and shake loose the security "ants" and the lurched for the door as the slowly started to take him down.

Major penalty!

What was Mollytov Maguire doing that she had such a great view of all of these shenanigans? I was alternating between hiding behind the boyfriend, hiding behind the pole, and wanting to see more. And CrazyMetalFanHulk was a mere 2 feet from me at one point! I know, I am a total accident chaser when things like this happen. But, in my defense, I was using my derby skills to juke, get low, protect myself, and weave through the pack (pretending I was a Jammer). Who knew those were real life skills one would need to use? And who knew that I should have brought my gear to the show? I would have felt a lot better with a mouth-guard and helmet on in that place!

Final Score - Mollytov 1, CrazyMetalFanHulk 0
Rematch Scheduled: Hopefully Never

Moral of this week's blog post? Always be prepared... TO PLAY SOME DERBY! Yeah!

Derby Love,
Mollytov Maguire

PS - Suga Smaxxx told me last week that I haven't mentioned her enormous influence on me as a skater yet. Too true lady, and to this accusation I choose to reply with haiku. Without further adieu, Suga, this one's for you!

Mollytov + Suga 4Eva!

Skating with Suga,
A spectacle to behold.
Both sweet and spicy!