A Real Housewife of Ft. Collins

I am a desperate housewife. I wear my robe when I walk to the end of the driveway to pick up the paper each morning. I BBQ with my neighbors and I try to keep my suburban landscaping tidy. I have five children ranging from pre-school to high school. My husband and I have been happily married for seventeen years. At first, I chose not to share these defining details of my life with my derby girls. It was my dirty little housewife secret.

When I joined FoCo Girls Gone Derby, my youngest daughter was only a year old and I needed the FRICK out of the house! (My derby friends without children would substitute a more colorful word for ‘FRICK’). I wanted an interesting sport that was for women only because I just don’t have an inner need to compete against men. And I wanted something that gave me a sense of adventure. I needed some space to be someone other than ‘Mom’. My plan worked perfectly. I may be the oldest person on the team (I’m self conscious enough that I’m not fully investigating that possibility) and likely older than the average derby girl by, oh, more than a decade? This summer at New West Fest, a woman stopped at our booth and when I tried to recruit her, she claimed she was too old. When I told her my real age (camouflaged by a tu-tu and ponytails) she claimed that she thought I was in my twenties! I almost kissed her. As flattering as that was, I needed her to know that playing roller derby isn’t age-specific; it’s only heart-specific. When derby girls are on the floor in full gear -- sweating like beasts, learning to fall, hit, and skate -- age and background have absolutely nothing to do with it.

We are one. We are FoCo.

We sweat and bleed together. We laugh and cheer each other. We are the buoy for each others’ lives. Everyone has things going on that are heavy or stressful, and we need that time away. I would be a rich woman if I had a nickel for every time I heard a derby girl say, “Thank goodness for derby.” I know I’m lucky that I don’t have to juggle a work schedule to make practices, and that my husband will take over for me on the nights I’m away from home. I used to feel guilty as I handed him a sippy-cup and picked up my gear bag, but not any more. I enjoy derby too much for any guilt.

At a recent bout I was helping a girl who was having a minor wardrobe malfunction. A friend who attended the bout teased me by saying, “You’re such a mom.” That perfectly innocent comment, even taken as a compliment, irritated me. Not here, buddy. Not here.

I am a desperate housewife.

But you can call me Starrmageddon.

Lessons from RollerCon

Derby Crushes- From Rollercon 2012
Derby Crush Definition (according to Suga Smaxx): A skater (usually from another league) that you look up to, want to be, are completely fascinated and/or enamored by. Not specifically romantic but could blossom to become so (if you swing that way). Check out a great article here.
Derby Crushes are an interesting beast. Sometimes they're on skaters you have known about for awhile or could be someone that you have never heard of. RollerCon is a catalyst for a Derby Crush like no other. You watch great skaters play, take classes from those people, and get to know them.

Last RollerCon, I left with one ground shaking, can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t live without crush:

Smarty Pants

She was 2011’s WFTDA Newbie of the Year although she has skated bank track for quite some time. Smarty Pants is in her second season with TXRD, but previously skated with TXRG (the league credited with the reincarnation of Roller Derby back in 2001, and featured in the movie Whip It) for 8 years. She’s a world renowned trainer and coach, and in her first season on the bank track Smarty and her team took 3rd place at the 2011 WFTDA Championships. Smarty is also a skater for the first ever Team USA. This crush is still cemented in my derby heart, but I will be leaving RollerCon 2012 with so many more. I love them all differently, but with the same fervour.

Jackie Daniels
Plays for Windy City Rollers All Stars, Team Vagine Regime, Team Chupacrabra Peligroso (formerly Team Awesome). Built like a Pit Bull (ALL MUSCLE), a great teacher and rocks white jean shorts like you wouldn’t believe.

Fifi Nomenom
Plays for Angel City, Team Vagine and almost every 3-4 level bout during RollerCon 2012. I didn’t know Fifi before RollerCon, but her sheer determination during one POWER JAM to get some huge dude's last point made my heart go pitter-patter. Fifi is also one of the only openly transgendered skaters on a WFTDA team.

And last, but not least….

Teflon Donna
Skates for the Philadelphia Liberty Belles and Team USA. My derby crush on Teflon Donna was definitely the most intense crush I got at RollerCon. I even gave her my “Hey, you’re my derby crush!” card that came in my welcome kit. Tef is a great teacher, amazing skater with extreme resilience and all around cool person (She took the “Crush” card well). She also had the most adorable poster plastered all over RollerCon. I forgot to get a picture with her, but I got one with the poster!

So, there you have it, the loves of my derby life! Sorry, Mary Poppin’ Caps (my derby wife- that’s a whole other topic). Don’t be afraid to let your derby love blossom!

Live, Love, Skate!
Suga Smaxxx

On Spillin'

My thoughts go out to one of the newer ladies on the team this past weekend, who suffered a skate-to-the-back at practice and subsequently needed some medical treatment. I know that injuries within the sport happen all of the time, but when it hits home, it sort of put things into perspective. Roller derby is a real sport; we all work just as hard as any other team of athletes when we're out skating on the rink. We risk injuries every night, and we keep coming back for more because we love it!

Roller Derby Revival Video

Skating as a kid...

Hello Poison Divey here...

I have said many times "who knew skating every weekend as a kid would ever come in handy again". Knowing how to skate pretty well has helped with my confidence & just busting through the first part of training, but really its coming back to haunt me. I never joined speed skating or anything, just could skate backwards and rock out to Another One Bites the Dust & a some YMCA. Toe stops... is the huge down fall I'm feeling. I have this elementary school years trained instinct to go onto the damn toe stop. Its hard & I still feel super new to Derby. No matter how many times I tell myself to stop doing it, I concentrate on something & it sneaks back in. damn it. I'll get it. I just wish I could get it all so much quicker. (Problem with toe stops is that my balance is not very sturdy & anyone can just knock me over, I'm balanced on a little piece of rubber)

Going through training I was super confident - I had it down... I skated so much in elementary and can ride a skateboard in the bowls well enough (I got falling DOWN). But when you start skating in a pack, there is so much to think about, so many skills to develop all at once - so many dynamics. I find myself focusing in on one thing I need to get down & forget the other 3. I know it will come in time.. but its frustrating & I know its frustrating to the coaches (coaches are like " I told you not to use your toe stops anymore Divey"), like I'm not getting it. But DAMN, if you could witness my the visions in my head when I'm trying to fall asleep. I get it all down. Actually, I think that helps. Just having those visions of everything falling in place. I used to skate bowls the same way, finding those lines... ummm. Doesn't make for a good night sleep.

I truly admire all the ladies that have stuck through all these challenges and I plan to do the same. Derby has seemed to consume much more than I planned of my life & I'm happy here. I don't want to do derby, just so I can say I'm one of those rocking derby girls I want to be really good at it, at every position. I am so happy I have urrkn pushing me. I also feel so lucky to have such a huge variety of new friends.

I went all over the place with this post, I meant to just talk about my toe stops coming back to bite me in the ass, but so happy that I can put some muscle into my crosses. Having my early skating experience has helped me a lot, but there is so much more than skating involved. I've always been really hard on myself & its not low self confidence, its that I don't want to kid myself & think that I am good at something when there is so much I need to improve on. Its hard going through the learning curve & not rocking at something... but it will be worth it. I will rock... for those about to rock - we salute you. ha. not sure how an AC/DC song floated into this post, but there you are...

Divey #34A
FOCO Girls Gone Derby